


All I Ever Wanted

by LilyAnson



Series: The Long Road Home [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anger, Counseling, Human Crowley, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loss of Powers - Mentioned, Nightmares - Mentioned, One-sided Conversation, Remorseful - Crowley, Sad Ending, feeling guilty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-18 00:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5891386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyAnson/pseuds/LilyAnson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crowley would love nothing more than to fix everything he feels he screwed up.  Unfortunately you don't always get that chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Ever Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> _Because all I ever wanted was a place to call my home_  
>  _To shelter me when I am there and to miss me when I'm gone_  
>  _All I ever wanted was a place to call my own_  
>  _Where stars will dance and sun still shines and the storms feel free to roam_  
>  ~Shinedown, All I Ever Wanted

Sitting down on the bench Crowley set the flowers down beside him and chewed on his lower lip. 

“So, I’m sorry about last Sunday,” he began. “I’d say I don’t know what came over me but we both know that’s a lie. Every year I tell myself it’s the last time and every year I do it again. I just miss him, alright? He promised! When he cured me he promised he would watch over me, help me learn to be human again. Yes, I know Dean needed him but, damn it, so did I!”

Crowley glared straight ahead breathing heavily. It had been thirty-four years since he had become human. Since that day a lot of things had changed. After the first few months he didn’t mind the loss of his demonic powers so much. He never quite got over the loss of being able to blink places but after a while he found a certain solace in walking. What hit him the hardest was the slow gradual loss of energy. He still walked every morning but it was taking more and more energy just to go the same distance.

“Sorry,” Crowley apologized. “I shouldn’t have yelled."

Crowley scrubbed his face with both hands.

"And don't say it's okay," he snapped.

Instantly he winced at the tone of his voice. 

“Sorry,” Crowley muttered again. “It’s just that, after everything you went through between the two of us… No one person should have had to put up with either of us then. We were both too broken.”

Crowley bit his lower lip hard.

“At least Dean never hit you,” Crowley whispered. “And yes, I’m still going to counseling every Thursday. I would never have gone if it hadn’t been for you. I know you hate it when I apologize for that but I am sorry. If it helps I don’t have anywhere near as many nightmares anymore,” Crowley offered. 

Pressing his lips together he shook his head.

“I’m sorry about the outburst earlier. I wish there was some way we could rewind life. I wish I could have… I don’t know, done something. You should never have been on the road that night. I’m…” Crowley growled in frustration. “Bollocks! I should probably go. I’ll see you next Sunday,” Crowley said standing. “As always, you've been lovely company. I, on the other hand..." Crowley clenched his jaw shut and took several deep breaths through his nose until he calmed. Carefully he leaned down and placed the flowers on the grave. “Until next time," Crowley whispered.


End file.
